Reading the last article I posted on Mindfulness for Authentic Relationships really got me thinking. It makes a lot of sense that our behavior was formed by the approval or disapproval of our parents or other superior figures in our lives. For a long time I wouldn’t sing very loudly in a car when I was with someone else because I had a boyfriend who once made a simple comment about me singing over the radio. I took it as a criticism and didn’t do it again. My husband loves to hear me sing but I rarely sing so that he can hear me (unless I’m participating in karaoke). Hiding something about myself because of one criticism is hiding my authenticity.
The only person I feel that I can truly be myself around is my older sister. We’re both really goofy. We love to take weird photos of ourselves, “model” for each other at parks and grocery stores, and call each other our names backwards. We really get each other and I’ve always felt accepted by her. I think my husband likes it when he sees how goofy I can be but I think my fear prevents me from letting go and being completely authentic. I think I’ll get there but it’s going to take some time.
I think a lot of our behavior is guided by fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of criticism, fear of being disliked, fear of being vulnerable. It’s hard to tear down our walls and it’s much easier said than done. I’m still learning how. In my blog post on Relationships and Fear, Todd Lohenry from Todd’s Perspective, a fellow blogger, made a comment that really ties in with what I’ve written here. He writes:
I curated this from Positively Positive yesterday and it really resonates with me: “2. Understand that there is no NOW in fear. It is based entirely on what was in the past and what might be. Love on the other hand is synonymous with NOW. It is always available, immediate, and here. Commit to finding it in the present moment, no matter how rough your day, week, or year has been. Through the practice of saturating yourself right now with love, you line yourself up for the expansion of more and more of it in your future. Three Ways to Conquer Fear and Live in Love [BLOG] « Positively Positive” I had never realized this before, but it seems so much of fear can be minimized by coming back to now…
How appropriate. Mindfulness is so important in all aspects of our lives, even when it comes to relationships. Practicing mindfulness reduces our fear because we are focusing less on the past or future and more on the present.
Are you able to be completely authentic in your relationships? What do you think? Leave your comments below.